Deciphering Your Child’s Body Language

body language

Your child starts communicating with you even before they are born, moving inside of you and kicking to let you know he or she is there. Even from the moment they are born, crying indicates that he or she has come into the world. So, it is not surprising that communication and learning to understand your child is a fundamental key aspect of your relationship!

Especially from 0-2 years old, children can have a difficult time verbally communicating what they want from you or others. From a simple pout, to a jovial giggle, to even hitting, children use their bodies as a primitive way of communicating with everyone they meet. By taking the time to learn what their body language really means, your effective responses to their actions can make them feel happy, safe, and heard.

Emily Corbin, a school counselor and doctoral student in family therapy interviewed by sheknows said, “Children can’t verbalize like we can; observing their body language lets you see their needs.” She also added that “The prefrontal cortex, which helps us regulate emotion, isn’t fully developed until the mid-20’s, which can make kids appear irrational, emotional, and impulsive during childhood and adolescence.”
This is why it is important to remember that your child’s brain, just like their body, is not physically fully developed in many ways. This can help put frustrating situations into perspective, and allow you to react in a calmer manner in the heat of the moment. After all, not only do you observe and respond to your child’s actions, but they do the same with you too!

Even though you know your child better than anyone, it is still possible to misunderstand what it is they are trying to communicate to you. For example, if they receive a birthday gift and don’t react to it or push it aside, this doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t like the gift. Instead, it could mean that they are apprehensive when it comes to engaging with it because it is new to them. This is when it becomes useful to engage in their nonverbal cues, in which you could acknowledge their hesitation, and show them how the toy works and how much fun they can have playing with it too. As a guide for understanding observed behaviors, the following are some behaviors compiled by Delmar Learning that you may see, and what they mean:

Eyes

Rapid Eye Movement: Searching for something, scanning for a specific object
Eye Avoidance: Fear, respect, needs a break from the current activity, distraction or lack of interest
Closed Eyes: Tired, blocking out stimulation to think more clearly
Face Scanning: Taking in visual information, attempt at recognition, searching for something
Gazing: Signal of attachment, observing to learn something new, desire for connection, observing reactions from others to ensure they are in a safe environment
Lowering Eyes: Submission, fear, embarrassment, shame, disengaging, thinking about an emotion
Pupil Dilation: Arousement, excitement, interest
Looking Up: Visualizing, problem solving, thinking of a sound to make
Looking the Around Room at Each Person: Anxiety, gathering information to make a calculated decision, lacking confidence, slow to warm up in social situations

looks at own reflection

Facial Expressions

Looks at Own Reflection and Makes a Silly Face: Embarrassed at own recognition
Looking at Own Reflection and Makes a Weak Smile: Unsure of who the image represents
Weak Smile: Tentative, fearful of social connection
Pale Face: Too cold, heat stroke (check signs and symptoms), sick, tired, nauseous
Blank Face: Aware of bodily functions, listening intently, tuning out
Drooling: Teething, sore mouth, loss of bodily control, palsy (check for other signs and symptoms)

Head Movements

Head Tilted Sideways: Interest
Tilted Down: Shy, doesn’t want to play, fearful
Tilted Up: Confident, open to invitation
Hiding Face: Anxiety, attempt to withdraw from situation, unwillingness to respond
Moving From Side to Side: Recreating a feeling, enjoyment, excitement
Twisted Away: Dislike, rejecting food, sound is too overwhelming, overstimulated, tuning out
Head Forward: Interested, concentrating
Head-Banging: Unable to communicate, emotionally upset, deprived of attention/stimulation, deprived of physical contact

thumb sucking

Gestures

Hands Flapping: Excitement
Clenched Fist: Anxiety, anger, response to stress
Pointing at Own Body Part: Showing where they are hurt
Banging Arms on an Object: Anger, frustration, seeing what will happen
Hand Wave: Goodbye, wanting you to leave
Grabbing: Wanting something, feeling jealousy
Swiping Arms Across Table or Floor: Seeking destruction, anger
Holding Items to Mouth: Self-soothing and comfort, feeling temperature or texture
Thumb or Finger Sucking: Comfort, nervousness, imitation
Toe Sucking: Indicating they have discovered their toes
Dropping Items Over an Edge: Playfulness, testing to see if objects are permanent, checking to see others’ reactions
Chewing Wrist: Nervousness, insecurity
Tickling Someone: Imitating adult, taking over role of control, testing another’s reaction
Pulling Own Hair: Frustration, profound happiness
Pulling Someone Else’s Hair: Anger, checking to see response
Eating Refusal: Not hungry, upset, unwell/nauseous, being stubborn

Body Movements

Arm Flapping: Overwhelmed, unsure about a new situation, anxiety, upset, about to have a temper tantrum, thrill at achievement, happiness, response to cold weather, response to open space
Restlessness: Uncomfortable about a situation and haven’t decided whether they will speak up, need to feel at ease
Lack of Responsiveness: Unwell, poisoned (check signs and symptoms), tuning out
Wriggling: Wants to get away, rejecting control
Rhythmic Movements: Self-soothing
Rocking: Upset, self-soothing, feeling rejected
Holding Genitals: Comfort, anxiety
Symmetrical Movement: Have not yet developed moving one part of the body independently

Bodily Contact

Tugging on You: Need your attention to communicate whether they are tired, excited, frustrated, unwell, need help, etc.
Burying Face in Your Legs and Clinging: Separation anxiety, refusal to do something, nervous, scared
Pats Child: Showing empathy, knows they are hurt
Hits Other Child or Adult: Anger, loss of control, doesn’t know they hurt too
Strokes Skin: Need for contact

Posture & Stance

Arched Back: Uncomfortable with someone’s presence, wants someone to go away, doesn’t like being touched
Hunched Shoulders: Disappointment, wants people to keep away
Leaning Forward: Interested, engaged, paying attention

Proximity

Moving in Close: Attempting to persuade
Medium Distance (Across Room): Needs both closeness and independence
Moving Close Then Moving Away: Testing independence and abilities
Sits Alone (Often in Corner): Needs physical protection, wants emotional support, disconnection from others
Refusal to Join In: Feels incompetent, isn’t interested, doesn’t like sharing
Looks at Group Instead of Joining: Feels lonely, prefers to observe
Plays with Partial Back to Group: Wants to join in, feels left out, checking what others are doing

It is important that parents observe and respond to their child’s body language, just as it is important that you listen to someone and respond when they talk to you. Paying attention to non-verbal cues will help you to better understand your child and help to keep them safe, happy, and feeling loved!